the thesis ride 1116-121408

sunday nov 16, 2008
updated nov 18, 2008

i don’t think anyone tried, being that it’s funny how people tend to respect the works of art as if they were brittle or to fall apart at the touch -a tendency to follow some unwritten rule-, but if they did they might have seen something else with the crossing of the projections in a vertical plane somewhere near the front of the stereo. it would have been neat to see someone stand there in the plane with all projections on them. maybe it’s too high or hard to find. maybe that is why there might be chairs. it really is interesting how controlled people acted with the chairs and the light line of the projections. i witnessed them cautiously ducking and leaning out of the projection path, sitting in the chairs physically motionless except for their heads. any time anyone has ever asked about people possibly getting in the way of a projection piece or project, i always said that i don’t care and that i’d like it if they ever did, but how much more do i need to control them by having to directly say that maybe they should get to know me i like THAT idea!

it is interesting that it would only take a person in front of the projection to break the plane. all of this is minus the set-up, which i can now more understand to be an important part of the aesthetics of the piece.

as examples, these ideas about the piece might not be intentional, but i have total respect for the creativity that comes out of me. in the process of working i usually dont see ALL that can be seen or is being done. i consciously get enough to know that it is going in the right direction and it will be satisfactory enough. in the process there are many moments of excitement, but not until it is “stopped” do i get this feeling that tingles my whole face and rings down my spine. and at that moment, i don’t usually “see” it, i feel it. i know i will always want to do or fix or figure out more, and, as with the thesis piece i am glad there is a limit on time with getting done to help curb that want. honestly, the perspective that i have, at 10 pm 2 days after it is all done, is so much more interesting to me than what is there right now. the only issue is that it breaks the wall plane that i am currently vested in conquering. i did kind of promise myself i would break that plane from the get-go when i get into grad school, and that was part of the challenge of deciding what to do for this. i really want to conquer the basics of using projectors and get a basic, yet solid, grasp on the aesthetics and the appeal of composited projected media as a medium that can be contemplated as deeply as a painting or sculpture.

anyway, many of the ideas, or revelations that come about after it is all done can be linked to a strong and truly creative mind, really strong, and not just the conscious part either. it’s also the part that works with or without you, and you never know when it is going to interject and help you, or teach you, or show you something. and when all is said and done, you know it showed up, regardless of how worried you were that it wasn’t going to come out and participate. in return, it also gets you to believe, to some degree, that it will always be there. these ideas that come out about the piece are examples of the conscious mind learning from this “intuitive force” that tends to do more for you than what you actually think you are doing. it is THE beautiful unknown that has ones best interest in mind, and always knows what its keeper likes. and so often it is better than you and it proves it. i noticed some of this in the beginning of my thesis piece when i was arranging the projectors and the pedestals. i get it when i am out taking pictures. there are many examples i have experienced. this “force” is an integral part of what “actual” creativity involves, and it is what seems to be a necessary ingredient in the process of defining anyone who is to be taken seriously about their work. let me explain.

take three colored transparent squares and set them side by side: one red, one yellow, and one blue. these are the tools for creativity. -more can be said about that some other time-. overlap the red onto the yellow and do the same with the blue and the yellow, leaving room for the yellow to show thru in the middle. 5 colors. this is creativity “101″ there are boundaries, limitations to how far you can go with your creativity, and in that respect a conscious spin on so many things, from the plan in the process, to the content of the work, even to the medium being worked in. now move the blue over the yellow and onto the red until the yellow shows thru on the side, equalling the amount of red showing on the other side. we moved one square. this is one-third of the tools for creativity. it created about one-third more colors. the movement of the blue square represents the one-third of the creative process that works with or without you. it adds to the range and longevity of ones creative abilities. it is something not everyone has or can do. if you have it, it is there if you think about it. it’s not the norm. no matter how much of a conscious spin academia tries to push on you it’s there, helping you, evolving you…securing you.

heres the thing, and please dont get me wrong as none of this is really “against” nobody, as it is truly for something. it is about defining and recognizing the serious passion for art and of artists in the present, with a significant amount of respect to the past and what will come in the future. this idea of defining can help positively affect what art galleries and art shows should be. it can help bring about a newer, more enlightening respect and appreciation towards artists, even if it was just done within the american culture. it is a serious reflection that generates serious standards for serious art and artists.

when i began the BFA i wanted to have my concentration to be in both digital media and sculpting. i also thought about painting. looking back i think this is actually where i began, in some small measure, to be concerned or curious about what is up with all systems/aspects involving the identity of art and artists. anyway, what happened was i had to choose, and, in a larger way than i had actually noticed back then, i thought it was ridiculous or not right. it is fine arts, it should be all arts, or at least a good range of it. i am being labeled in a way that wasn’t a good enough reflection of what i can do, or how much of it i wanted to study. there are, or should be, abilities that true artists have that would allow them to excel in any concentration of art. begin the process of finding a concentration in grad school. as far as i can tell, fine arts grad programs would seem an ideally inviting force for any aspiring artist to want to quickly find a more defined concentration to sink their teeth into, or why go. undergrad schooling can be summed up as this, “it’s not what you can do and how well you succeed at that, it is what you need to do to make sure you do succeed”. it is just a label to help confirm the believability of some form of discipline in what you “will” do. and, in part,  with that summation, it looks to be logical to have a broader spectrum of concentrations in the BFA. it is interesting that choosing digital art can actually mean digit-ALL ART. it can easily be mixed with most other mediums, but how many professors even mix mediums, and, why aren’t more of them pushing the boundaries in their works? i dont know what grad school is all about, i havent been there, yet. i heard it’s hot!

this was the first time ive actually tried to stick to the ideas of doing installations and i think this is where i want to be. honestly, this is what everyone should do at some point or other in their career as an artist. to help more clearly define artists, i am really leaning toward the idea of having artists prove themselves and their abilities by doing installation-mannered works. -as an example- if you’re a painter, paint on the walls of the gallery or use a fresh canvas and create one week before the event. prove your abilities. show your worth to have the title as an artist and be able to put a price on your time and work. maybe artists should be certified annually, or something similar, by a collection of people in an organization who can verify or deny some sort of licensing to be able to sell, or even show, their art with some credible seal of approval applied. none of this is saying don’t continue to do what you want, but every so often we should all have to prove ourselves as professionals, in some professional organized forum, to help more clearly define the times we are in with art. this organization bit truly does seem to reflect the present day, we are vaguely doing it with the ideology of academia in art already. whether anybody wants to believe it or not “we’re all on the boat, it’s just that no one is rowing” toward a more accurate discovery of how we should be wanting to define ourselves in respect to art and artists.

i want to be an artist someday, but i struggle with believing in what it is to be one at this time. maybe that is what my niche is, and maybe that is how my work can be defined. -the struggle in believing what it is to be an artist-

nov. 20, 2008
thinking about what i do, more-so what i am trying to do, and the medium i am currently investing my time in, is that maybe, a serious maybe without the aspect of the limitations of resources available to me, maybe i am directly attracted to the larger scale and all the creative space that can, with the right resources, portray such a wide range of varying amounts of information. instantly i think about a large painting idea. it’s always in the works and i constantly have ideas that i write down about doing some. BUT, there is something about this coming from me bit in my working with digital media. painting does come from me, but it is something like -a mechanical ability that is trying to “work with” the minds control and how it interprets and sends the information to do so-. there is this “something” about being able to “project” actual real world experiences, or references, and how much closer the viewer can come to grasping some of the relationships between what i have actually seen, or witnessed, and what i interpret them to be in my works. not even saying the simple fact that -motion- and -change- in video work provides the space with literally infinite possibilities. needless to say what breaking the wall plane can add.

nov. 26, 2008
thinking about grad school is exciting to me. i really want to perform and do well. i can imagine things going well once i am there, but for now i get both nervous and excited… alot. when i think about it i start to run through some beautiful ideas that i hope to be able to do. i really welcome the challenge of succeeding at this. i think i can produce some really interesting work and i think this is the route to take to be able to do what i want with the abilities that i have. right now i feel i’m setting up a literal foundation of understanding what art and artists are perceived to be, locally and abroad. i’m learning so much, and molding that with my own passion for creativity has made me a more well rounded person when it comes to art and all that surrounds it.

i have this huge interest in getting people to view or participate in some of my pieces. some feel like little “happenings”, some feel like events, and others more like large exhibits. i really want to expand my knowledge on the use of space. i feel that i want to get to a point where the entire space can be viewed as the art, but also have the aspect of semi-participation that allows the viewers to get a completely different perspective in witnessing the works, thus producing an external and internal experience -like the lab coat projection ideas-. in working with people i want the ideas to be something fun or surreally interesting and often being unique to the moment, sharing actual experiences…leaving a video -i directed- in their heads for a time;)

dec. 14, 2008
i haven’t written for about three weeks for fear of what i would write as i was experiencing information and moments involved with art that were leading me to even say, in my own mind, that i hate what is going on with “artists” around me and i want to quit. of course it is hardly possible for me to EVER quit, but the thought pulls at a desire to change certain aspects about me that have to do with art. whether it will or even can happen, has become the frustration of understanding my own identity as an artist-to-be.

in an effort to understand the things that “bother” me, i have noticed some very positive changes in how some people understand me and have grown to take me seriously when it comes to art. these people contain more hope and have a willingness to try-to understand or evolve-regardles of the actual outcome. it is the respect of wanting to be involved or even trying that i have for those people. but, the challenge is there when it comes to those who have continuously built up this naive and conflicting database of information about art and then prove it, but never acknowledge those facts. they and their work seems to become a circle they spin in that never grows or changes color, but they again claim to know so much, or enough to have something they feel they will enlighten me on. it is sick, as these speakers will never choose to be listeners and absorbers of aspects about art that can truly help them-extreme stubbornness-. it’s as if someone was to become a fireman and chose to not want to learn how to use and control the fire hose, with all the pressure and force it contains that can hurt you, and the reason is the fact that they’ve used a hose before so it doesn’t seem necessary.

the frustration is not about the desire or failure to help those people-though i naturally have those thoughts about many things-, the frustration is why they don’t want to help themselves grow and learn, to escape this plateau they’ve built, especially since they have already chosen to participate. many of these people have expressed great accomplishments and now live and die by those socially sensitive remarks/moments about their endeavors, never wanting truthful feedback and criticism as it seems to warrant them defensive and argumentative responses-never actually trying to listen as i have experienced-.

oddly enough, this all circles around my participation in the student show at the bemis and what i have learned about the level of much of the art/artists that exists here and the desire to become a “true” artist. it was both humbling and disheartening, all in one experience. it really made me think and more thoroughly acknowledge the decisions that i make about my participation in art experiences. my participation in the show was purely for fun and was initially understood by me as a time-out from my desires and goals as a future artist, but then became a lesson in self respect and responsibility. i definitely need to pull it together and stop playing with what surrounds me in respect to art. patience, patience, integrity, integrity. this should be the only time i hurt my creative soul. i have no real reason to do it again.

through all of these challenging and potentially harmful experiences that i have been having, there is an enormous upside that came out of it all. this has become the most raw and emotionally derived understanding i’ve probably ever had. it is those who have no real interest and/or are naive about art. the innocence they portray with their comments and their questions, which can be interpreted as shallow and negative, have now become golden moments of feedback and criticisms. they lead me to produce thoughtful and nurturing responses that build into a more personal and deeper understanding of what i do. priceless!

in the end my thesis experience was an intermediate success, as it should be, but is also an absolute success in working with what resources and technologies were available. the black painting i wanted to do around the piece is for another time and i accept that more now. in doing this exhibit, i came out of it with more knowledge and newer ideas and a better understanding of the directions i can take my works. i have already thought of the idea of bypassing using a computer and finding new ways to project and build the content for future works. some of which could have only come about through the actual experience of doing the thesis exhibition.

art thoughts 04-27-08

042708
based on growing exposure to artists and art (and existing elements that surround it all), and experiences here in omaha, nebraska.

‘when did we become so naive as to let our societies crush the credibility and stature of real art and artists?’, and why? it all seemed to become defunct and fall apart once technologies started advancing in art and for societies as a whole-as it is all relative- (1960’s-ish). did it all move too fast, for those who’ve laid out guidelines and criteria in the past, to keep up and adapt formal intellectually sound meaning behind the integrity of art and artists? is money the main underlying factor to the destruction of the necessity of being a full-blooded artist to make art? the answers are so black and white, but the responses to those answers are so childish and evasive, that it would seem to take a near miracle to restore what’s been lost.

‘who gave the kid a crayon?’

when i see peoples work, such as students, for example, too often and almost always i am struck with the question of ‘what am i missing’ or even further ‘what allows them to publicly display these things’. a situation of audacity or ‘balls’, and when there is a price placed on it, it instantly becomes warranted as credible art. it has a price, it is tangible, it is an object that can be purchased and owned, its likely one of a kind, it is art, etc… if not, then it just becomes a mere display of the appreciation of creativity and the pieces themselves, then, not art. sure those students would not want to hear that, but need to, and also need to understand the effects of art as it is created. beginning with that, instead of teaching someone how to use a paint brush, seems more relevant to the esteem of art and artists. ‘let those who don’t live and breathe art, think twice about what they create and how they ever decide to present it, it’s not fon-du.it’s for the good of art as a whole, with all connections in tact, and could furthermore place a seriousness to the understanding of what an artist is and exemplify how critical it is to maintain a societal respectability towards those who are actually creative, and live and breathe art every waking moment, because without those kind of people throughout history, art would be nowhere.and in this day and age, it seems more and more those kinds of people are overshadowed by ‘learn-ed’ art and artists.

‘let’s just keep pumping them out!’ `: )~

in what way do we declare something as art when we often cannot deem its creator an artist.it is easy for a student who, lets say, took a few art classes in college to say ‘i made a few art pieces back in school’.it sounds common.but why is it art?and if its not,what is it?…dabbling in some art…presently, beautiful aesthetic art is tainted with a comical childish sense.as well as the artists themselves, who see themselves influenced by dreams, fantasy, etc. without a serious reflection to history, religion, politics, art influences, etc..or some form of philosophical reference or derivation,the art is just as good as someone who dabbles.so, the credibility becomes an enormous uphill battle to get others, who are generally appreciators of art, to see what you see, or believe and accept your passion as something as credible as those with serious respectable reflections. it often seems that craft also has to be far more developed to equal the credibility to be named as a serious artist.if not the worked can easily get pushed down.which is interesting that one can use a serious reflection and get away with a lot less craft, and also have the content pretty much laid out for them just by picking a good solid serious reflection to ‘dabble in’ and be declared as a real credible artist.it is almost, or is actually,like you can level up,like some sort of game, your knowledge on something, based on those main serious reflections, and ‘mechanically’ become successful as an artist.what is the route you take?the one that is,or, can be laid out for you and all that is necessary is for you to build upon it to somehow find that space to place your own stamp on OR the one you live with day in and day out that generates personality, ‘the heart and soul of you as a unit’, and forces you to react to your creative eye and instigates you to develop something even unknown to you, but the outcome is beautiful and personally unique to you and time itself. the second sounds skiddish, but carries more of the reinforcing elements on ‘who is an artist?’. which is odd that the second takes so much more ‘out of the creative element’ work for success, than does the first.it is almost an intention to ruin dreamers and actual creative people who carry it in their blood. but, what do you do?the longer you last, it seems the more you get pulled into the conscious side of it all…and the work ends up leaning towards the serious reflections.the young wont understand and the old wont care, its those of us in the middle who need to make the changes for the rest to see, but it takes a strength to not succumb, and that is where things tend to fall apart for current day creative people, aside from the fact of too many of us are too socially sensitive to be intellectually critical of publicly displayed works.i bet if even half of the people who displayed their works, received true criticism, their work would not have been displayed, probably by their own choice, but i would bet that they would come back with works far better than their initial ones. and thats what it takes. its so easy, but so hard for people to take and give nurturing respectable criticism. there’s a reason for it and ‘artists’ need to know its for the good of art, both historically and for the integrity of art and artists.

‘anymore, it doesn’t seem to matter, if you’re one in a million…million wins.’ -think about it-

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